Sunday, May 22, 2005

DOWNLOADING BUSH'S BRAIN

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Holy shades of Huxley, Batman! A chap in England thinks we can "evade death" by downloading our brains!

So...you download your brains using Microsoft and it get buggy or crashes? Bored teenage hackers break into your brain code and reprogram it with porno? Or maybe it is porno, actually. We all know what people really think about during the day. And what if the brains using computers go around doing stuff like gambling online, for example? Or eavesdropping? Or messing around with the porno sites?
Death could become a thing of the past by the mid-21st century as computer technology becomes sophisticated enough for the contents of a brain to be "downloaded" onto a supercomputer, according to a leading British futurologist.

However, he told the Observer newspaper on Sunday, this technology might be expensive enough to remain the preserve of the rich for a decade or two more.

Among other eyebrow-raising predictions by Ian Pearson, head of the futurology unit at British telecommunications giant BT, is the prospect of computer systems being able to feel emotions.

This could eventually involve such things as aeroplanes being programmed to be even more terrified of crashing than their passengers, meaning they would do whatever possible to stay airborne.

While the predictions might sound outlandish, they were merely the product of extrapolations drawn from the current rate at which computers are evolving, Pearson said in an interview with the newspaper.

"If you draw the timelines, realistically by 2050 we would expect to be able to download your mind into a machine, so when you die it's not a major career problem," he said.
Bush dies. The government downloads the man's brains into a computer. The computer comes alive and begins to talk. "Where are the porno sites?" it asks. Rove says, "We need your instructions for dealing with the budget deficit." The computer flashes on and off and then says, "This Russkie site says women have triple D tits. But I have to give them a credit card number, first. Go enter a number, will ya, Mr. Tops?" Rove gimaces. "We need your input, sir," he says again.

"Whoohoo, this site says they have stallion studs! I like milking them!" The computer flashes harder.

Well, you get the picture. No mind ever goes to waste. They will infest the internet, of course, or die of boredom. Soon we will see, "Naked Women Brains" sites and "Buy Brainigra in Canada cheap" ads and of course, the brains running the Nigerian bank scams will spend all their time flacking for money from other brains.

I see the world going bankrupt.
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