Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Hunting Information For Everyone--How Not To Shoot Your Friends and Neighbors

By Elaine Meinel Supkis

I notice the media and numbnuts are trying to fake us out over the Cheney shooting. I have hunted/shot stuff all my life. Now a vegetarian, but seriously. What Cheney did was unforgivable as well as stupid. The diagram above illustrates how one hunts upland fowl.

You do it in pairs. If there are more hunters, you start at a starting point and everyone goes in an ever-increasing semi-circle, the "fan outwards" move so at no point, one is moving into the line of fire. Note the red zone in my diagram. You never ever, no, not ever, shoot behind. Period. Always forwards. If any of the blessed little birdies fly past you or into you, they get to be "home free" and you move forwards, this isn't like little boys chasing fireflies. This is serious business.

I don't know if these dumb clowns butchering helpless little birds had any dogs with them. Old Yeller would have bitten Cheney if he shot him in the rump. You don't shoot little quail just as they rise up. The shot Cheney fired was barely chest-high. All skeet shooters know, you don't shoot the clay pigeon until it is quite aloft.

My husband, who was a good skeet shooter with his university and one day, a newbie wanted to shoot the birds so he fired directly into the "Low house" and blew up all the clay pigeons. This was very upsetting not to mention crummy as well as messy.

This is what Cheney is. A bozo who can't wait to pull and rushes it all and wrecks everything. Shooting little birds on the ground is like fishing with dynamite. Real class, dude. How can Texans look up to this idiot? Seriously. He shoots like a girly-girl. "Oooh! I just have to do it now!". Well, real hunters like to show their skill which is why we all practice hard. I would shoot 300 arrows a day whenever I was limbering up for some 100 yd longbow competition. None of this "spray everything in sight and hope it sticks" kind of garbage.

Aside from the sort of personality that has to do this to domestic quail that have no sense of where they are, no hidden places they can run to, are not a flock but a disjointed group that is clueless of where to fly. Tracking and flushing wild birds is an art for they are all, turkeys or quail, wary and suspicious. Long before you arrive, they are looking for you. I used to be, when young, a great turkey caller.

I know all sorts of calls especially the 'I am a lovesick hen who is lost, oh please save me!" call which is a plaintive, "Whoop whoop wheep" cry. You have to put your heart into it. I have had wild turkeys come right up to me, looking sideways, when I do this. But then, I raised many bronze turkeys and learned from them.

Quail, on the other hand, they are such cute little birds. I make friends with them, well, my house is beloved by the mourning doves who perch on the crown of the roof and coo softly and then make a mess at the bird feeder and then the chicken hens come out and pick up all the dropped seeds.

Then there are the chickadees. They hate Cheney and plan to spy on him and scold him wherever he goes. They will put the Mark of Chickadee upon his forehead. And next time he goes out, "Chickadee dee dee DEEs" will mock him from every corner.

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